Choose a colour

It means nothing you know, I'm just messing with you.

You obey orders well. Now stand on your head and touch your nose with your big toe.

Why'd you choose that colour? What's wrong with you man?

Such a pretty colour. The birds are singing and the sun is shining. Let's all go outside and take a walk in the park..

You chose a colour! You actually did it. I'm so proud.

What is the colour of your underwear?

Blue Black Red White I'm naked

Blue? Now would that be aqua, turquoise, cyan, azure, indigo or teal?

Black? Do you have a hot date later?

Red? That's Great. Please stop wearing it with light-coloured pants.

White? Does it indicate that you are pure and virginal or just boring?

You're Naked! If you have a hot body, send us a pic. Else please go get dressed.

Do you colour your hair?

Yes, sometimes using natural colours No, never I don't have hair? Depends on which hair None of your business

You are boring and conventional, but you knew that right?

No colour? Ho hum, get a life will you?

No hair! Hopefully you're male or Sinead O'Connor. Yes, in fact I'm that old.

Let's keep this clean okay?

You got that right!

How often do you brush your teeth?

Never Once a day Twice a day Three times a day When I remember

Never huh? You don't have teeth left do you?

Try to do it after you've eaten. I actually meant brush your teeth, get your mind out of the gutter.

Good boy! Good girl. Here's a bone for you. Nah, just kidding. You get nothing, just the pleasure of brushing your teeth.

Three times?! Do you also wash your hands 20 times a day?

I was going to put an answer here but I forgot.

Do you love your mother?

Yes, of course. No, I try but I can't. She's deceased. What's a mother? I don't have a mother.

It's good to love your mother. I'm sure she loves you too.

Sometimes our families drive us crazy but on the upside they're some of the few people that will talk to us. Pity it's generally only when they want something.

Find a pretty flower and name it after your mother. Then you can talk to the flower and pretend its her. People will probably think you're crazy, but the odds are that they think that anyway.

That's the little old lady you took the the old aged home and left there all alone. The same one that wiped your dirty bottom when you were a baby.

That really sucks. I have a lovely mother. Want to share her?

How often do you answer questionnaires?

Always, I'm addicted. Only when they spell the word questionnaire or was it questionaire or questionnairre correctly. Never, they're stupid. Only those that are entertaining and amusing. What's a questionnaire?

You should see a therapist about your questioning addiction.

Do you read dictionaries for fun?

So you're not actually answering this either?

Ah, you must love this one, its entertaining,amusing and so much more ... I think the more is manure.

A questionnaire is a way to learn seriously meaningless stuff about yourself.

Do you have a dog?

Yes, in fact I have more than one. No, but I'd love to have one. Yes, but I need to find a new home for him. No, I'm a cat person. No, I have a pet snake instead.

You have dogs? Cool. I love dogs too, much more than people.

I have the same commitment issues. If you solve yours will you let me know how?

You don't love your puppy? Ag shame. I'll take him.

You're a cat person huh? I'm a catty person!

You keep reptiles as pets. How fun is that! You're a weird dude.

What do you do for fun?

I watch tv. I do extreme sports. I read a book. I work too much, no time for fun. My dad said I'm not allowed to have fun.

Watching tv is called laziness, not fun, okay sweetie?

Living on the edge is fun. Good for you! Why get old when you can die young having a ball!

You can read. Wow. I wrote a book once, it sucked. Think I'll publish it anyway.

You work too much?! Man that's just sick. Stop it NOW!

After age 21 you're free to choose your own life. Stop blaming your parents.

Do you enjoy learning new things?

No, it's too hard. No, I'm too stupid. Yes, I live for it. Only if I absolutely must. What new things?

Too hard huh? Shame. Poor you. Did you try it first or did you decide it's too hard before even trying?

Find that idiot teacher or parent that taught you that you're stupid and beat them up. You're brighter than you think.

Cool. Me too. But sometimes my brain explodes.

I bath only if I absolutely must. It's amazing what we'll do under duress.

No, since the wheel there's been nothing new. Uhm, how did you get to this questionnaire cos computers are kinda new?

What's your favourite food?

Mash, peas and Sausage Pizza Beer Salad I take drugs instead

Mash, peas and sausage? That's funny. I just threw that in for the British. They're weird.

The pizza companies thank you for your continued support and loyalty. They don't hold themselves responsible for your ill health. They do, however, love your money.

I know some of you think this is a balanced diet, but it really isn't. Now take that big belly of yours for a walk.

Salad's my favourite food. I just put that one in for me. Your's too? Amazing, we're so alike.

Drugs? Well it would depend on what kind of drug. But they stop supplying you after you go to jail so that kinda sucks.

Are you bored yet?

No, this is fun. No, I could stand to answer another 10 questions. Yes! Please make it stop. Actually this beats watching tv.

This is your idea of fun? Aren't you sweet, misguided also, but sweet.

Another 10? Okay, you can redo this questionnaire. I give you permission. Press Refresh - go on, I dare you.

So why don't you stop?

It can't stop dear, it's taken control over you. You're mine now.

Actually, picking your nose beats watching tv most days.

You answered all these questions expecting some wonderful insight about yourself and now you get this answer: Please don't believe all the self-help rubbish people put into questionnaires. You are smart, intelligent, good-looking and extremely gullible. Did I mention gullible? Really? Are you sure? You will meet a handsome man in the next three days. He'll be either married or gay, unless you're gay, then he'll be straight. Very well done! You proved that we can make anyone waste time by providing mindless questions for them to answer.